if looks could kill, they probably will

your eyes lit up as I walked through the door. my soul caught fire as I pretended not to care. I took you in without a second thought because I know you`ll let yourself out when you see the fine print:

^{you can only leave more broken than you came. unless I really like you, in which case you will never truly see me. because one day I`ll be able to blush and smile, exchange pleasantries, feel genuinely flattered, and fulfill your every desire without so much as lifting a finger. and when the time comes I`ll be too perfect to bother gathering pieces off the floor and gluing them back together.}

where the streets have no name, *yet*

they say the world is round, but I just traveled from one end to the other tonight. taking off felt like leaving for a vacation, but for some odd reason that sounded so heart wrenching when you said it. maybe you just wanted to make sure the salty trails would show me the way back.

and before I knew it there I was, standing in the doorway of an empty room with my new life jammed in just two suitcases, when I realized I had all I needed even before I started packing.

so here`s to all the moody traffic lights and wrinkly sidewalks that I don`t know by heart yet, and to everything I haven`t left behind.

here it is, here it goes!

y`know, I`ve always had a thing for attics – especially in wooden houses. and dogs – especially black ones. and messes – especially when they`re organized. and guys, especially long haired ones. and musicians – especially drummers and violinists. and awkwardness – especially when innocent, spontaneous and child-like.

so when they all come together and welcome me with open arms, I feel just like the last missing puzzle piece. and out of all those mixed conflicting emotions one shines through: I belong.

alegría entre mis piernas

we went out for ice cream – well, him. banana milkshake for me. bit too sweet, though. the milkshake, not him. definitely not him.

he walked me to my bicycle. measured it up and down with a quick, scornful look. proceeded to review the condition of the suspension system, the handlebars, the brakes, the tires. everything. ‘next time we meet, I`ll show you a real bike.’, he proudly announced.

I rode off into the snowflakes trying to imagine that shiny high tech bundle of equipment of his that`s gathering dust somewhere. and thinking that nothing could be more real than the rusty piece of crap that`s purring between my legs at the very moment.

nope. definitely not him.

they paved paradise & put up a parking lot

four years ago, his smiling eyes used to brighten my days and lighten my heart. tonight, I saw him again. the shine was long gone and his gaze was full of nothing but emptiness.

I wanted to ask what happened to him, but answered myself in his place.

life. oh, how I hope it never happens to me..

Survivor: Terra

Love is the only one that cannot be faded out at the Mental Council tonight. Every other feeling is fair game.

the yearning, the fascination, the surrender.
it`s my holy grail, my kryptonite, my fairy morgana.

for it`s the only thing that I could never either outwit, outplay or outlast.

and I shout or scream, but I`d rather not be seen

if I truly wanted to stay, I wouldn`t be aching to leave. and with this epiphany, the five stages are complete.

I apologize again. But it`s not as if I mind.

I`m back and ready to go. From the rooftops, shouting out.

Missed Me? So have I. (:

domino dancing

the straight line of dominoes took a lot of trial and error to build. somewhere deep inside, she knew it would come to this. there was no other explanation for that odd little gap that spoiled the uniformity of it all.

“I want to play a new game”, she said. “I want to only knock over the first few tiles.”.

he nodded encouragingly, so she held her breath and pushed. sure enough, it all came to a standstill, as planned. they both smiled to themselves and to the chain reaction she had avoided. for a moment, even the universe smiled back calmly, with nothing but the most sincere respect, as the most sincere effort demands.

they bathed in the equilibrium. nothing but peace and quiet. and then he broke the silence. “what happens if I poke at this?”, he wondered, naively.

as pieces fell with a loud rumble, she couldn`t help but wonder whether she was letting out a sigh or breathing out relieved.

it`s like you`re the swing set and I`m the kid that flies

you know it`s time to reassess when someone other than yourself makes you question who you are, directly or not.

Santa went all out this year because all signs indicate it was the only chance he`d get.

stones taught me to fly

they`re just about everywhere: boulders, rocks, stones, pebbles and even the tiniest bits of sand. every now and again, one of them catches my eye, and that`s when I toss it high up into the air and pray for it to fly again.

because, you see, they weren`t always like this. once upon a time they were just like me. until they fell too hard and decided it was safer to rip their wings off and cling tight to the ground.

so here I am, flapping my wings around you this time, and wondering why you won`t budge. and every hopeless flap is a painful reminder of how I will never give up flying, no matter how hard it gets. because I just know somewhere out there, there`s this beautiful soul that gleams through bright, smiling eyes, who is holding onto his wings just as tightly as I am. and being able to take off together and lean on each other during flight will make it all worthwhile in the end.